


i am the war inside

by katana_fleet



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 5x08 spoilers, F/M, dark one introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5242616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katana_fleet/pseuds/katana_fleet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when they became the dark ones, their own voices--emma and killian--were drowned in the darkness. but slowly--maybe, just maybe--emma and killian can speak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am the war inside

**Author's Note:**

> title and lyrics from 'the war inside' by switchfoot. everything recognizable to eddy and adam and jon foreman. I am still dying. and when you're thinking of captain swan, literally every song applies.

_Yeah, it's where the fight begins_

_Yeah, underneath the skin_

_Beneath these hopes and where we've been_

_Every fight comes from the fight within_

~~

She doesn’t want to say any of it.

“Now, for what you all did to me—you’re about to be punished.”

They’re her family. They’re the ones she loves. Her parents, Regina, Robin, and Belle. Henry. Killian.

She hears the words coming from her mouth, the mouth of the Dark One. And Emma cries.

Because they didn’t do this to her, not really. Emma became the Dark One all by herself.

 _To save Killian_ , the voices whisper. _Without him you would have become like us only sooner. It’s good they failed you. Now he’s one of us. And we can destroy the light. And then we can destroy him_.

Emma remembers why she became the Dark One. It was to save the man she loves/loved/loves with everything inside her.

The Dark Swan remembers differently. It was to defy the people she loves, to show that this is what she is now, that there’s no saviour in Storybrooke anymore.

(What hurts most is when Killian calls her. Right now, the Dark Swan is stronger. But Emma’s still down in there; even Nimue, probably the darkest of them all, buried down beneath the strength of Emma’s love, can admit that.

That small part of what they used to be—it always remains.)

But Emma cries when she hears what she’s saying, what Killian’s saying, as they break each other’s hearts.

All Emma had wanted was to keep Killian alive. All Killian wants is to bring back the woman he loves, the woman who’s buried beneath the darkness.

But it’s the Dark Swan speaking, and Emma’s voice isn’t loud enough yet.

~~

_Eyes open, open wide_

_I can feel it like a crack in my spine_

_I_ _can feel it like the back of my mind_

~~

He doesn’t want to say any of it.

“I want to hurt you. Like you hurt me.”

There’s a tear running down Emma’s face. She’s the woman he loves/loved/loves and, with every word, he’s destroying her.

With every caustic word, he’s ruining every hope of a future between them, those dreams they had cherished before Camelot and clutched closely in that land. Killian really hates himself.

The Dark One encourages him. _She turned you into this monster_ , a voice whispers. A voice he hasn’t quite gotten used to, a voice that hasn’t really explained herself. _You should hate her. You should kill her family in retaliation. You should destroy her and take her powers for yourself_.

Looking at her now, her broken and haunted eyes staring back at him, Killian weeps. He remembers why she turned him into the Dark One—to save him. To keep him with her. Because she loves him, too much to let him go, so much that she preferred to keep him as the Dark One with her rather than let him die untarnished.

(Killian tries to speak, tries to assure Emma that what he said earlier was true. That no matter what she’s done, he loves her. He has always loved her, and he will always love her, to the end of the world or time.)

But he’s not loud enough. The Dark One continues, whispering things he can’t really hear through the roaring in his mind. The roaring of a thousand voices, trying to come to life.

It’s the Dark One speaking, and Killian’s voice has just been buried in the darkness.

~~

_I am the war inside_

_I am the battle line_

_I am the rising tide_

_I am the war I fight_


End file.
